I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't deserve a penis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
