Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
