i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
