Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
