Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
