i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
