yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
