Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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