dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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