Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
