she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
