I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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