I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
