while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
