Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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