I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
