"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
