you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
