maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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