shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
