I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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