Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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