I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
