How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
whose ass print is on the piano?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
