I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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