At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
