Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my liver is dry heaving
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