I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
