Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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