thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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