If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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