Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's get the cat blown out
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
