I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
