I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
