just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
