He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
