I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
