I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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