She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
