3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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