He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
