just tell him i said nine months
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
