got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
