Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
