why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
