Please, let me fuck your mom
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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