I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
