Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
