My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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