Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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