There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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