how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
