god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
