I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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