Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
