what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
